Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Help, on both sides, and a village

Im a giver. Its who I am. I love to help, to gift, to give. No strings attached. No thanks needed. Even if I dont know you. If I see/hear you are in need and I am able I will give. In fact some times it gets me in trouble. For example when a friend needs gas/grocery money on the 23rd of the month....and I have it sitting in my car payment account....Guess which bill is getting paid a little late??? Lol. It also means I have a tendency to give away almost as much as I sell each month. Not the most successful business plan but it works for me.
The flip side? Im not very good at ACCEPTING help, not to mention the anguish it causes me to ASK for it. Im learning to be better. Especially at this point in my health when we need soooooo much help it seems. I've gotten good at asking a group for help. It still takes a LOT for me to approach an individual and ask. So here's the thing. Please, please, PLEASE do not offer to help if its not sincere. If you say "Anything you need, just ask." "Anytime you need me, I'm here." "If you ever need help with the kids, just ask." I will. It will take a lot, and I may exhaust all other options and ways of DIY first but eventually you will pop up on my ask list. And when I approach you multiple times and here, "not this week" "I'm really tired today" "Sorry there's a sale I want to hit" I will try not to, but I will be offended. I may find my self hitting the 'unfriend' option. :hide: And even worse, NEVER volunteer someone else. Chances are I've already asked them. Its ok not to volunteer to help. I wont be offended.
It takes a village. At this point I find myself needing a large village. But you arent drafted, it's volunteers only. You can still be friends and not be in 'that' village. Its ok. Everyone isnt up to dealing with extra kids, or chauffeuring me to appointments or cooking meals. But I'm VERY thankful for those who are. The ones who sacrifice sleep, and sanity, to care for my children when I'm stuck in a hospital bed. So I can focus on healing and health and not worry myself sick about my family. Or worry how we will be able to pay our bills with DH missing so much work to try and do everything. The friends who I never imagined being the ones to step up and help. The school who surprises me by making sure my children are safe and fed, even during the summer. The neighbors who make sure our yard doesn't become an eyesore or a reason for code enforcement to fine us.
So bottom line.  If you offer, eventually I will ask. Please only offer if you are sincere.

Friday, May 20, 2016

When no one wins...does everyone loose???

My oldest had field day today and i was soooooo happy to feel well enough to go. Now it was modified and inside due to rain but ive been several times. Now if you dont have kids i know what you are picturing. Hot day, water bottles, sunburn, being outside ALL day at school. Classes competing against each other, cheering on team mates, tug of war, three legged race, ribbons and awards at the end of the day. Well thats how WE did field day, but unfortunately its no longer anything like that:(
There were no teams, winners, pries, ribbons or even keeping score. Volleyball, 4 square, jump rope, hula hoop.....normal gym activities, nothing *special*. No one wins. No one even sweats. Did the kids have fun, sure. Did it build character, teach them about team work, not a chance. It was very uninspiring. And it made me think, when we raise a generation where no one wins, does everyone by default loose???
With common core, and weird grading (that i DESPISE) the kids dont strive to win, do get 100 or an A+. My heart broke a little the day my  year old came home and told me excitedly that she could miss "x" words on her spelling test and "still get a 3". Are we teaching our children to aim for the minimum??? To not be the best they can be?? I was that child who HAD to get 100, A+, 4.2 GPA. I wanted to be THE BEST and i aimed for it. What do our children have to aim for? Mediocrity??? Ugh